Living together starts after the door opens
Pre-arrival checklists get the room, keys, and Wi‑Fi ready. The first two weeks after a migrant domestic worker (MDW / FDW) arrives are different: you are now sharing space, meals, sleep schedules, and unspoken expectations. Jet lag, Settling-In Programme (SIP) days (if she is new to Singapore), new appliances, and children’s reactions all land at once.
This page is a living-together onboarding map for Singapore employers — what to do on days 1–3, how to lock week‑1 routines, how to run a calm week‑2 feedback chat, and when to involve your licensed employment agency (EA). It is not a fee guide, not a Work Permit checklist, and not a substitute for Ministry of Manpower (MOM) rules or your EA’s aftercare terms.
Hard rule: do not invent salary, levy, or agency-fee dollars from this article. Confirm money and compliance with your EA and on mom.gov.sg.
- Before she arrives (different article): Preparing your home before your domestic helper arrives (unique #12)
- First-time hire overview: How to hire a domestic helper in Singapore
- Rest-day rules (flagship): Rest days for domestic helpers in Singapore
- Agency relationship: Working with a maid agency in Singapore (unique #9)
- SIP (if she is new to Singapore): Settling-In Programme (SIP): preparing for a first-time helper in Singapore
SmartMaid.com.sg is a search marketplace. You browse and shortlist biodata published by licensed agencies; SmartMaid is not a maid agency and does not live in your home, mediate daily friction, or issue Work Permits. See How Smart Maid Singapore differs from a maid agency.
Days 1–3: orientation, not a performance review
Treat the first 72 hours as orientation, not a full-speed trial of every duty on the contract.
Day 1 (arrival evening or morning after a late landing)
- Show her sleeping space, bathroom, drinking water, and where to put luggage before any deep briefing.
- Share Wi‑Fi, your phone number, and how to reach you if she is out of the flat briefly.
- Point out fire exits, first-aid basics, and who to call in an emergency (you + agency coordinator).
- Keep the rules talk to three or four non‑negotiables (e.g. no visitors without asking; phone volume after children’s bedtime; kitchen after cooking). Full house-rules reinforcement belongs later in the week.
- If she is exhausted from travel or SIP, prioritise rest. A tired helper who “fails” day‑1 cooking is often jet-lagged, not unwilling.
Days 2–3
- Walk the flat room by room: which cupboards she may open, laundry flow, rubbish days, which appliances need a demo.
- Introduce children, elders, and pets gradually — one calm block at a time, not a family summit.
- Cook or prepare one shared meal together so food preferences and spice levels surface early (see food section below).
- Confirm the first rest day on a calendar she can see. Do not leave it as a verbal maybe.
- If SIP or arrival medical is still outstanding, protect those slots on the calendar so household duties do not collide with MOM-required steps. Arrival medical timing: Pre-employment medical check — timing after your helper arrives (unique #14).
Tone tip: praise specific efforts early (“thank you for labelling the spice jars”) more than you correct style differences. Corrections stick better when she already feels safe.
Week 1: build routines, not a 20-task dump
Week 1 is for repeatable rhythms. Overloading day 4 with every deep-clean, school-run, and recipe from your past helper is how early placements fray.
A workable week‑1 pattern
| Block | Focus | Employer habit |
|---|---|---|
| Morning | Simple breakfast / school prep / elders’ meds if any | Demo once, then watch her try; note only safety issues |
| Midday | Laundry / kitchen reset / one cleaning zone | Rotate zones daily instead of “clean the whole house” |
| Afternoon | Childcare / errands / rest if SIP recovery | Keep one recovery window if she is new to SG |
| Evening | Dinner support / tidy / next-day plan (5 minutes) | End with a short “tomorrow’s top 3” list |
Write things down. A one-page daily sheet (wake time, school bag checklist, trash day, pet feed) beats a long lecture she cannot replay. Update the sheet when something changes — do not rely on “I told her once.”
Language and pace. If English or Mandarin is a second language for her, slow down, use gestures, and demo. Skill matching and language fit were hiring filters; week 1 is where you operationalise them — see also Language skills: why they matter (unique #5) and Housework and cleaning matching (unique #6).
What not to do in week 1
- Compare her constantly to a previous helper in front of her.
- Change the rest-day plan mid-week without a fair conversation.
- Stack surprise guests, deep renovation cleaning, and full infant protocols on the same day as SIP.
- Assume “ex-Singapore” or transfer experience means she already knows your appliance brands, children’s allergies, or elder routines.
Week 2: structured feedback (calm, specific, two-way)
By day 8–14, patterns are visible. Hold a short feedback sit-down (15–25 minutes) when neither of you is rushing out the door.
A simple agenda
- What is working (name two concrete wins).
- What to adjust (one or two items only — e.g. laundry folding standard; dinner timing).
- Her questions (food, rest day, phone time, how to ask for help).
- Confirm the ongoing weekly rhythm: rest day, payday process (amount stays with your EA/MOM discussion — not this blog), and who she texts for emergencies.
Feedback style that lands
- Specific: “Please wash school socks with the white load on Monday and Thursday,” not “be more careful.”
- Observable: focus on tasks and timing, not personality labels.
- Two-way: ask what confuses her about the flat or the children’s routines.
- Document lightly: update the one-page sheet after the chat so both of you leave with the same version of “normal.”
If week 2 still feels chaotic, shrink scope (fewer dinner recipes; one cleaning zone per day) before you escalate. Escalation belongs with the agency when safety, repeated refusal of agreed duties, or serious communication breakdown appears — see below.
Rest days in the first fortnight (practice the calendar)
A rest-day plan written before arrival only works if you honour it once she is living with you. MOM rest-day rules and fair compensation / replacement framing are covered on the flagship: Rest days for domestic helpers in Singapore. Unique #2 covers compensation when there is no off day: Can I compensate my helper for having no off days?.
First-fortnight rest-day habits
- Put the agreed weekday on a wall calendar or shared note she can open.
- Protect the first rest day unless a true emergency intervenes — and if it does, agree replacement or compensation framing promptly and fairly.
- Clarify whether she stays in, goes out, or visits friends — without policing her lawful free time.
- Plan your childcare / elder coverage for that day before week 2, not at 10pm the night before.
- Do not “test loyalty” by cancelling rest days to see if she complains.
Transfer helpers and first-timers both need a clear rest-day rhythm; experience does not erase the need for your household’s calendar.
Food: shared meals, preferences, and kitchen access
Food friction is one of the fastest early-placement stressors. Use week 1 to set a sustainable kitchen rhythm, not a restaurant menu.
Talk through
- Breakfast / lunch / dinner timing on school days vs weekends.
- Spice level, pork / beef / seafood limits, and any religious or personal dietary needs.
- Whether she eats with the family, after the family, or separately — say it kindly and clearly.
- Snacks she may take vs items reserved for children or guests.
- Who buys groceries and how she should message you when staples run low.
Cook side by side once or twice early. Watching beats a verbal recipe list. If cooking skill was a hiring must-have, keep expectations paced — matching was the biodata/interview job (Reading a maid biodata, unique #15); week 1–2 is coaching to your kitchen.
House rules on kitchen access (guests, late-night cooking, leftover storage) should appear on the one-page rules sheet and get a calm reminder in the week‑2 chat if needed — not a shout from another room on day 2.
House rules reinforcement (after arrival, not only on paper)
Unique #12 helped you draft rules before wheels-down. The first fortnight is when you reinforce them without turning the flat into a courtroom.
Reinforce well
- Revisit the one-page rules on day 2 or 3, then again in the week‑2 feedback chat.
- Explain the why for rules that protect sleep, children, or safety (e.g. phone volume after 9pm).
- Separate house norms (shoe rack, recycling) from contract / MOM matters (rest days, salary process).
- If a rule changes, update the written sheet — do not rely on “we talked about it in the car.”
Common early topics
- Phone use and charging locations
- Visitors and overnight stays
- Leaving the flat for errands
- Personal laundry vs family laundry
- Privacy in her sleeping area and in family rooms
Consistency between spouses / household adults matters more than perfect wording. Mixed signals (“Dad said OK, Mum said no”) create anxiety faster than a firm shared rule.
SIP if she is new to Singapore
Many first-time MDWs in Singapore must complete the Settling-In Programme (SIP) after arrival. Confirm her eligibility and booking with your licensed EA — do not assume every transfer or ex-Singapore helper follows the same path.
How SIP affects your first two weeks
- Block SIP dates on the household calendar so you do not schedule a full deep-clean marathon on the same morning.
- Expect her to be tired or full of new information after the course — light duties that day are normal.
- Use SIP themes (safety, rest days, her rights and responsibilities) as conversation openers at home, not as a quiz.
- Read the dedicated guide: Settling-In Programme (SIP): preparing for a first-time helper in Singapore.
If she is a transfer or ex-Singapore helper without SIP, you still owe her a proper orientation to your home — SIP waiver ≠ she knows your children, pets, or appliance quirks.
When to loop your licensed agency
SmartMaid does not mediate living-together issues. Your licensed employment agency is the aftercare channel you contracted for. Relationship stages and communication cadence: Working with a maid agency in Singapore (unique #9). Pre-sign questions you should already have locked: What to ask a maid agency before you sign (unique #3).
Loop the agency early when
- Safety is at risk (rough handling of children/elders, unsafe kitchen practice after coaching, threats).
- She repeatedly refuses agreed core duties after clear demos and a week‑2 chat.
- Communication has broken down (tears, shutdown, or hostility that a calm talk cannot reset).
- You suspect misunderstanding about rest days, medical, or Work Permit steps.
- She asks to speak to the agency — facilitate that; do not block lawful aftercare access.
Try in-home coaching first when
- The issue is style (folding, spice level, cleaning order) and she is otherwise willing.
- Jet lag / SIP fatigue is the obvious cause.
- Only one adult in the household has been giving instructions (align spouses first).
Document dates, what you demonstrated, and what you agreed in the week‑2 chat before a heated call. Calm facts help aftercare; venting without examples slows it.
Platform ≠ agency (who owns the first fortnight)
| Need | You (employer) | Licensed EA | SmartMaid (marketplace) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Day 1–3 orientation | Own it | May coach; not in your kitchen | No |
| Week‑1 routines / week‑2 feedback | Own it | Aftercare if friction escalates | No |
| Rest-day calendar in practice | Honour & plan coverage | Advise per MOM / contract | No |
| SIP / arrival medical slots | Free her for appointments | Typically books / coordinates | No |
| Mediation / replacement talk | Raise early with facts | Aftercare per agreement | No |
| Biodata shortlist (already done) | Decided fit | Published profile; placed her | Search / shortlist tools only |
Browse again only if you are re-hiring after a failed placement — start from search maids or transfer maids, then let a licensed EA run the next placement. SmartMaid does not replace agency aftercare.
First-fortnight checklist (copyable)
- ☐ Day‑1 basics done: sleep space, water, Wi‑Fi, phone numbers, emergency contacts
- ☐ Flat walkthrough completed (cupboards, laundry, rubbish, appliances)
- ☐ Children / elders / pets introduced gradually
- ☐ One-page daily routine sheet started and updated
- ☐ Food preferences and kitchen access talked through; ≥1 side‑by‑side cook
- ☐ House rules re-read on day 2–3 (not only pre-arrival draft)
- ☐ First rest day marked and coverage planned
- ☐ SIP / arrival medical dates protected on calendar if applicable
- ☐ Week‑2 feedback chat booked (15–25 min, two-way, 1–2 adjustments max)
- ☐ Agency coordinator number saved; know what aftercare covers
- ☐ Spouses / household adults aligned on instructions
FAQ
Is the first fortnight a probation to “test if we keep her”?
Treat it as onboarding. Serious misfit can surface early, but constant “pass/fail” energy usually creates fear, not better work. Use week‑2 feedback and agency aftercare for real concerns.
What if she cries or withdraws in week 1?
Homesickness and overload are common. Reduce task load, ensure rest-day clarity, offer time to call family, and check SIP/travel fatigue. If withdrawal continues or safety is affected, loop the agency.
Should transfer helpers skip this onboarding?
No. Skip only the SIP block if she is not required to attend. Your appliances, children, and house rules are still new.
Can I change house rules mid-fortnight?
Yes if needed — update the written sheet and explain why. Avoid daily rule churn.
Does SmartMaid settle disputes between us and our helper?
No. SmartMaid is a biodata marketplace. Use your licensed EA’s aftercare and MOM guidance where relevant.
Where do salary and fees get decided?
Not on this page (no $ figures here). Discuss with your licensed EA and follow current MOM guidance.
Next steps on SmartMaid
- Run the first-fortnight checklist above while she settles.
- Keep #12 handy only for gaps you skipped pre-arrival: Preparing your home before your domestic helper arrives.
- Rest-day flagship: Rest days for domestic helpers in Singapore.
- Agency aftercare map: Working with a maid agency in Singapore (unique #9).
- If she is SIP-eligible: Settling-In Programme (SIP).
- First-time path: How to hire a domestic helper in Singapore.
- Platform vs agency: How Smart Maid Singapore differs from a maid agency.
- Re-hire search only if needed: search maids · transfer maids.
This article is general employer guidance only. Rest-day rules, SIP eligibility, accommodation standards, medical timing, and Work Permit steps can change. Confirm current requirements with your licensed employment agency and on mom.gov.sg. No salaries or agency fees are quoted here.
