Few things wear a household down faster than a helper who seems to ignore instructions, argue back or do things her own way. "Stubborn" behaviour usually has a cause you can fix, and handling it calmly protects both the working relationship and your obligations as an employer. These steps follow MOM's guidance on resolving disputes, and they also help you decide, fairly, if it is time to part ways. If it comes to that, read how maid transfers work before you act.
Stubborn or unclear? Find the cause first
Before treating it as attitude, check the common causes:
- Language: she may have said "yes" without understanding. This is common in the first months, especially with a new hire.
- Conflicting instructions: different family members asking for different things, or a routine that keeps changing.
- Different habits: how she was taught to cook, clean or care for children at home or in a previous job.
- Tiredness: too little sleep, night duties with a baby or an elderly parent, or no proper rest day.
- Worries: family problems at home, debts, or homesickness.
- Health: pain or illness she has not mentioned.
Watch for a week and note when the problem happens. A pattern, such as only on Monday mornings or only with one family member, often points to the cause.
Clear instructions and written routines
- Agree one person in the household who gives instructions on each area.
- Write the daily routine down, in simple English or with photos, and keep it in the kitchen.
- Show, then watch her do it once, then check back the next day.
- Explain why a task matters to you, for example why the baby's bottles are sterilised a certain way.
- Praise what she does well. Correction lands better when it is not the only feedback she hears.
If the issue is one specific task she refuses, see when your helper refuses a duty after coaching.
A calm one-to-one talk
- Pick a quiet moment, not in the middle of an argument or in front of guests.
- Describe the specific behaviour: "Twice this week dinner was ready an hour late."
- Ask open questions: "What makes evenings difficult?" and listen to the answer.
- Agree one or two changes, and a date to review them together.
- Keep a short note of what you agreed.
MOM's employer guidance stresses that disputes often come from misunderstandings and differing expectations, and that you should first try to resolve them directly with your helper.
Check your side of the arrangement
- Is she getting the weekly rest day in her contract? See our guide to rest days for domestic helpers.
- Is her workload realistic for one person, and are duties limited to household chores at your registered address, as MOM requires?
- Is she getting enough sleep and regular meals?
- Is her salary paid in full and on time?
Fixing these often fixes the "attitude" too.
Involve the agency to mediate
If talking does not help, contact your employment agency. In MOM's "Ask Jaya" guidance, an industry expert advises explaining the challenges calmly rather than starting with accusations, so the agency can guide both of you. A good agency can speak to her in her own language and often knows how to reset expectations. Choosing an agency that offers this support is worth it; see our guide to maid agency fees for what to ask.
Outside help with disputes
- Centre for Domestic Employees (CDE): advice, counselling and mediation for employers and helpers. 24-hour helpline 1800 2255 233.
- Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore): dispute resolution and mediation, 6836 2618.
Whatever happens, do not punish her yourself. MOM says suspected crimes must be reported to the authorities. For other channels, see how to give feedback to MOM.
If it still isn't working: transfer or end the contract properly
Ending the employment should be the last resort, but sometimes the match is simply wrong. Your options:
- Transfer: she moves to a new employer who better suits her skills. This needs your written consent to the new employer's application. See when your helper wants to transfer.
- Ending the contract: give the notice agreed in her contract, pay her final salary, buy her ticket home and cancel her Work Permit. Follow our Work Permit cancellation checklist.
- Agency refund: if the placement ends within six months, you may be entitled to back at least half of the agency service fee, subject to MOM's conditions.
When you look for the next helper, be clearer about duties, household rules and routines at interview. You can shortlist on maid search or browse transfer maids who already know how Singapore households work.
FAQ
Can I deduct her salary because she will not follow instructions?
Cutting her pay is not a disciplinary tool. MOM requires you to pay at least the salary you declared, every month and on time. Talk to your agency or CDE instead.
How long should I give her to improve?
Agree a clear review date, often two to four weeks, after one calm talk and clear written routines. Give the agency a chance to mediate before deciding.
Is "stubborn" behaviour more common with first-time helpers?
New hires are adjusting to a new country, language and household at once, so misunderstandings are more common in the first months. Our guide to the first two weeks with a new helper helps prevent many of them.
Who can help if we cannot agree?
Your agency first, then the Centre for Domestic Employees or the Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore) for mediation.
See MOM's resolving disputes guide and Ask Jaya for more.
